CAN A THERAPIST REALLY FIX ME? CAN YOU FIX MY ROTTEN SPOUSE?!
People come into my office every week hoping that I will either “fix” them or “fix” someone else in their lives. Here’s the bad news: I can’t. If your bone is broken, an osteopath can fix that, but I can’t fix the pain in anyone’s heart.
A Psychotherapist’s job is to help the Client (whether individual, couple, or family) find what’s wrong in their lives, and then aid them in resolving those problems with that knowledge.
This might take a few sessions, or longer. There’s no way of knowing until we get to see what’s really going on. But some change and improvement are generally found within 4-6 months.
WILL YOU MAKE A BEHAVIOR PLAN FOR MY KID?
Many parents come in asking for therapists to develop Behavior Plans for their children. And often they are stymied when the therapist doesn’t offer one right away.
The reason is simple. Children are told what to do all day. By their parents, by teachers, by peers, and even by strangers. These lessons are usually good and necessary. If something is getting in the way of the child learning and following those lessons, that’s where the Psychotherapist steps in.
It’s very important that the therapist work in a different way from these other voices, to encourage self-expression, and enable repressed parts of the child to come to light, so that the kid can move past the obstacles in his life. So to immediately work behaviorally, before building a trusting bond, would make the therapist just another adult authority figure. Someone to disobey!
I am very supportive of Behavior Plans, and often help parents develop them. But first the child and I must have a strong and trusting relationship, from which change can occur.
ARE YOU GOING TO PRESCRIBE MEDICATION?
Many parents are understandably confused and worried about medicating their children for behavioral reasons. Our popular culture is full of heated arguments about psychiatric medication.
The truth, scientific studies show, is, just as you’d expect, somewhere in the middle. Yes, too many children are unnecessarily drugged today. And yes, some kids really benefit from an intelligent, carefully-monitored pharmaceutical regimen.
I am not a medical doctor. I can’t prescribe drugs. But if I believe a child should be looked at for medication, I have some excellent referrals.
However, here’s the overriding fact about psychiatry: Studies show clearly that medication alone does not accomplish nearly as much as medication with therapy. And certainly it’s not physically or mentally healthy to take psychiatric medication if it’s not needed.
Therefore, I strongly advise anyone considering medication to first find a good therapist. See if therapy alone can solve the problems. If not, then it might help to add medication to the counseling.
But what you don’t want to do is medicate without therapy. That’s at least a waste of money, and, worse, potentially harmful.
YOU SEEM AWFULLY KID-ORIENTED. DO YOU TRY TO TURN ADULTS INTO KIDS?
My focus, when I work with kids, is to help them grow up. To get obstacles out of the way so that they can progress through the stages we’re all programmed for.
Similarly, we’ve all known (or been!) people who seem to be 30-year-old teenagers. While this may sound fun, it often also means something is stuck in their lives, and they can’t move past an old problem.
Such people will benefit from Psychotherapy, whether through traditional Talk or more elaborate creative techniques. At times, they might feel like I’m putting all the focus on their “Inner Child,” but it’s always with the goal of helping them become the Adult they deserve to be.
Meanwhile, those people who have lost touch with the kid in themselves will benefit equally from rediscovering whatever it is that they’ve misplaced, in order to live fuller, more passionate lives.
YOUR LICENSE SAYS ‘MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST.’ DO YOU SEE NON-TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL?
Whether with individuals or couples and families, I work with whatever relationships are brought into the room. My job is in improving communication, understanding, and self-worth within and between the members of the relationships — all sorts of relationships. I am experienced in helping many sorts of families, and do not discriminate regarding sexual orientation, but rather celebrate diversity.
WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS CONFUSING GENDER STUFF WE HEAR ABOUT TODAY?
History has countless examples of people who have not fit perfectly into the male or female roles they were assigned at birth. In some cases, their bodily ‘plumbing’ doesn’t match just one sex, and in others, they grow up with a deep awareness that their identity doesn’t match their bodily form. And all of us experience parts of our identity that don’t quite fit a John Wayne or Marilyn Monroe role type!
Yet today, to many of us, this concept of gender fluidity has exploded in awareness so much in the last few years that it seems newer than iPads. No, it’s just the growing acceptance of these issues in our society that’s recent.
I am very happy to work with people of any gender-identity. It makes no difference to me whether what they look like to me matches the way they see themselves. I will work with whatever issues they bring in, the same as with any other person.
However, if a person is currently in a difficult struggle with their sense of gender identity, it may be better for them to see a therapist who specializes in this particular area. I am happy to refer people to such therapists, so that they can work on this delicate and profound issue with a true expert.
CAN I PAY FOR THIS WITH MY INSURANCE?
I’m not on any specific Preferred Provider lists. However, you may be able to get partial payment from your insurance company for sessions with me. It’s all up to your company and plan.
However, there are a couple of questions I suggest considering, before sending your bills to your insurance company:
- Is the condition you’re getting psychotherapy for a chronic lifelong problem?
If so, you should check with the Insurance Company before filing any bills, to see if you would be hurting your future options by putting into record what might later be called a Pre-Existing Condition.
In such cases, all options should be discussed fully, before looking to receive insurance payments.
- Are you okay with people at the insurance company knowing about the therapy?
Psychotherapists are legally and ethically bound to confidentiality, and will only reveal information about their Clients when forced to by a court of law. And insurance companies generally only want to know the diagnosis of the Client, and the cost and dates of visits. But if that’s more information than you’re comfortable with strangers at the insurance company knowing, you might feel better not sending your bills in.
I have numerous insured clients, who have been happy with the payments their insurers have given them for their work with me. Again, if you choose to use an insurance co-pay, I am happy to work with you to create the best possible pay situation.
WHAT DO YOU CHARGE?
I charge $220 per hour for new clients (child, family, individual, etc.). At times I have associates working under my license who charge a lower fee, but right now I don’t have any.